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debbie colbourn

White Collar Support Group 300th Meeting Reflection – Debbie Colbourn, Calgary

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Debbie Colbourn is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 300th meeting on March 14, 2022, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT.

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I am an outlier in the group, not because I’m in Canada or that I am woman, but in the fact that I have not been part of the criminal justice process despite having taken money that wasn’t mine to take from an employer. Yet I suffered for over twenty-five years from the biggest thing that those who’ve made a decision to do something we knew at the time was wrong, do.

Despite our inner voice screaming at us. Overwhelming shame and guilt.

Only five people in the world knew what I had done, two lawyers, my parents, and the owner of the company. Plus me.

I represent a large number of people, women in particular, who crossed both an ethical and legal line, who had “good” careers, made OK money, lived in a normal home, came from a loving family, no history with abuse or addiction. And our $ amounts are in the five or low six figure amounts – not in the millions. Still very wrong – still punishable by a jail term.

I repaid every penny to my employer but I could never find a way to move past the shame, and guilt, and the lack of trust I had in myself.

In my path to growing my business and leaning into my potential I have let my nudges, my gut instinct guide me and one week a post from a lady who had a group for wives of women whose husbands had committed a white collar crime and a podcast episode by a man named Jeff Grant who’d been a lawyer that had gone to prison and rebuilt a life on a completely different path, showed up.

I cannot tell you what Jeff said on Rich Roll’s podcast, but I reached out to the lady with the group and asked if she knew him – weird hmm?? Yes, I’ll introduce you.

And a week later there I was, terrified of where the Pandora’s box that I’d just opened would lead – yet I knew it was the right next step. The every Monday night meeting of the White Collar Support Group.

I was as intimidated as hell by the people on the Zoom call. People I’d read about in the media. People who were used to making in two weeks what I made in a year. I felt dumb. Like they were somehow better than me. Yet as I listened quietly, something I no longer do, I realized that although they, the men, use different words, different phrases, most were struggling with debilitating shame and guilt. Struggling to stop the voice in their head berating them on how friggin’ stupid they were.

Each week one phrase, one deep emotion shared, one roadblock or obstacle shared by someone can take the conversation in any number of directions, but it’s always something that someone needs to hear at that moment.

The group has grown and now has a couple of people who can chat confidentially with you if you’re thinking joining the group might be the next step you (or someone in your family) needs.

Sometimes it takes only a few meetings to help you move forward, sometimes it takes years. There are people at all stages. And people are there for you 24/7/365 – when you simply need to not feel alone. Like you’re the only one going through what you are, or feel the way you do. – Debbie Colbourn, Calgary, Canada

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Debbie Colbourn, Canada

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Debbie Colbourn is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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The Support Group I Didn’t Realize How Much I Needed – Reflections for Our 250th Meeting

After twenty plus years, I thought I had successfully navigated the aftermath of my one big, bad decision – as a well paid professional accountant, to steal from my employer. Yet every day I dragged the albatross of shame, as a not so silent partner. Judging myself, saying things you’d never ever say to someone else – to myself. It was there in everything I did, telling me I wasn’t worthy of my dreams, sabotaging my progress, keeping me stuck in an endless cycle of struggle, and aloneness. Not loneliness but a weird kind of social isolation.

I listened, watched, read countless stories about people who had hit rock bottom and clawed their way back to better than before … and that was my fuel – my inspiration … and one day I heard Jeff Grant’s story. And reached out to him … could I join the group if I hadn’t been arrested or been in jail?

Exactly one year later here I am thanks to the men and women, a melting pot of amazing humans, in the group who helped me defuse the shame of “I’m a very smart person, how could I have been so stupid!!!” … Believe me, we all make at least one big bad decision in our lives, we just have different methods. The support group for me is much like a high end mastermind, with hot seats, getting a diverse set of perspectives, allowing you to observe your situation through new eyes and experiences.

Listening each week brings up new questions, to be considered. You hear common phrases used to describe what a person is going through, and recounts of past circumstances that might be a key. And its raw, and its real. And its non judgemental. And its human – there’s laughing, and crying, and conversation, and listening … and there is open sharing of resources that just might be what you need right now.

I didn’t know if I could bring anything of value to the group, but somehow each one of us does, in our own style and words. We all have similar through lines but the story that encapsulates each is unique and every time you tell the story it reveals more of its depth until one day you wake up and realise that the shame has lost its charge. It no longer has a death grip on you, and your life.

The level of gratitude I have for Jeff and every support group member is beyond words.

Thank you for being you, even on the days when being someone else is pretty damn appealing.

Debbie Colbourn – Creator of The Unshackled Life Podcast

 

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White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.