Jeff Grant, Director of Progressive Prison Ministries, appeared Sunday, April 15th on Real People with Stan Simpson, Fox 61 Television Connecticut. Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc. is the world’s first ministry supporting the white collar criminal justice/economy exiled community. It will be hosting the 200th consecutive weekly meeting of the world’s first and only confidential, online White Collar Support Group on Monday, April 13, 2020 at 7:00 pm ET, 6:00 pm CT, 5:00 pm MT, 4:00 pm PT, information here.
Watch on YouTube, Pt.1:
Watch on YouTube, Pt. 2:
Watch on YouTube, Pt. 3:
Stan Simpson is a former award-winning newspaper columnist at The Hartford Courant and a former radio talk show host for WTIC NewsTalk 1080 in Connecticut. He is host of “Real Story with Stan Simpson”, which airs Sundays, 10:30 a.m., on Fox 61. (The show can also be viewed on line at www.fox61.com/stan). The TV show is about “Connecticut people and compelling issues.” Among his guests have been: Connecticut Gov. Dan Malloy, UConn Basketball Coach Jim Calhoun, former NBA player Vin Baker, actress Sallie Toussaint and actor Michael Jai White. Hartford Magazine in 2009 recognized Simpson as one of the 50 Most Influential People in Connecticut.
Jeff Grant is an ordained minister with over three decades of experience in crisis management, business, law, reentry, recovery, and executive & religious leadership. After an addiction to prescription opioids and serving almost fourteen months in a Federal prison for a white-collar crime he committed when he was a lawyer, Jeff started his own reentry – earning a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary in New York City. Sometimes referred to in the press as “The Minister to Hedge Funders,” he and his wife Lynn Springer co-founded Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc, the world’s first ministry serving the white collar justice community in Connecticut and nationwide. On Monday, April 13th at 7 pm EDT, he will host the 200th weekly meeting of the world’s first Online White Collar Support Group. Jeff and Babz Rawls Ivy co-host the Criminal Justice Insider Podcast, broadcast live from New Haven on WNHH at 9 am on the first and third Fridays of each month. Information about Jeff, the ministry and the podcast/radio show can be found on their website, prisonist.org.
Arthur Ciaramicoli came to my attention a few years ago upon the publishing of his last book,The Soulful Leader: Success with Authenticity, Integrity and Empathy. He sent me a copy and I’ve come to rely upon it as a guide to the tenets we embrace in our ministry. We’ve stayed in touch since. Below is an excerpt from Arthur’s latest book out this week, available on Amazon: The Triumph of Diversity: How to Rejoice and Benefit from the Interconnectedness of Mankind. This book addresses the increase in hate crimes and prejudice as well as providing means to end this awful trend in our society. He presents contemporary research and client examples of how diversity leads to greater health, creativity and equality in the educational, political and corporate worlds. As always, please feel free to send me your thoughts and comments and I’ll gladly pass them on. – Jeff
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Arthur Ciaramicoli Interview:
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My Country is the World; My Religion is to do Good. ─Thomas Paine
I am writing this book because I am brokenhearted about recent developments in our society. I hope through the exploration of the topics I will share with you that we can address the rising tendencies of prejudice and hate within our culture, while discovering a formula to counter the fear of diversity and difference. I will tell you stories about people who have overcome prejudice and stereotypes, from Neo Nazi white supremacists to a teenage Muslim boy, from religious, business, and education leaders to ordinary everyday people. I will show you how having an open mind and an open heart has enriched their lives, and how it will enrich yours, too.
I have always believed that as Americans we are the leaders of the free world. Yet I am saddened by the number of Americans who don’t seem to care about others in the world, or about those who seem different from us, or who seem to threaten our beliefs if theirs are dissimilar. I have been haunted by a comment made by one of my Latino clients: “If you are Jewish, Brown, Black or of an other than heterosexual orientation, you are no longer wanted in America.” I hope with every fiber of my being that his perspective is not wholly accurate.
Most historians and social commentators agree that America today is more polarized than at any time since the Civil War. Such polarization not only suggests individual and societal confusion, but begs answers to a number of questions: Have we as a society come to a time when differences in color, religion, sexuality or nationality are seen as threats to our way of life? Has exclusion and lack of interest in those suffering in other parts of the world become a knee-jerk response meant to somehow protect us from our own irrational fears?
Groupthink is a concept developed by psychologist Irving Janis in 1971. Janis defined groupthink as the psychological drive for consensus at all costs, which suppresses disagreement and prevents the appraisal of alternatives in cohesive decision-making groups.
When we close the door on those who seem dissimilar, we limit our own potential for growth, and ultimately, our happiness. Diversity is the antidote to groupthink. It expands the mind and enriches the soul.
Disdain of diversity almost always manifests as an us/them dichotomy, an in-group and an out-group, which is often the dynamic elemental to the creation of cults and the normalization of dogmatic thinking. The out-group is disdained, if not totally condemned. A stereotypical view of the out-group is maintained, with direct pressure on dissenters to conform to narrow perspective. Groupthink often creates an illusion of invulnerability and unanimity.
Such groups attract the insecure and the fragile among us, offering a convoluted certainty to lives that have been lived with ambivalence and uncertainty.
But the opposite is true of diverse groups, those which share ideas from many different perspectives absent of the threat of not conforming. Ideas flow and minds expand as a result of variety and novelty.
In contrast to the growth in ethnocentrism, a movement is taking place throughout the world called deliberate polling (a random, representative sample of people engaged in deliberation on current issues through small group discussions, with experts as moderators, for the purpose of creating more understanding and broadening thoughtful reflective opinion). This movement brings individuals of varying perspectives, including those from opposite points of view on various subjects, to a civil dialogue on many issues. The result seems to be that fixed views can change when people have a chance to hear opposing views and examine facts without bias or outside influence. According to Professor James Fishkin of Stanford University, the creator of this process, about 70% of participants change their minds.
America in One Room
Recently a project called America in One Room, an example of deliberate polling, gathered 526 people from 47 states in Grapevine, Texas for a weekend of bi-partisan discussions regarding the major political issues of our time. Pre-discussion and post-discussion surveys were conducted. Interestingly people who felt that American democracy is working increased from 30% in the beginning of the event to 60% after the event. Participating individuals also said they felt less skeptical of those with opposing political views at the conclusion. Participants who thought that those on the opposite political side were not thinking rationally dropped from 51% to 33%. Most amazing was that 95% stated that by participating they learned a great deal from those they had previously considered to be very different from them. group discussions, when facilitated by experienced leaders, can lead not only to greater understanding, but to less conflict while increasing the chance of reaching compromise.
How Beliefs Change
This recent consultation is an example of the type of bias that can be altered with an empathic approach.
Luke is a mid-western protestant who called for help with his anxiety in the workplace. Interestingly, he looks very similar to country singer Luke Bryant; he is tall and lanky and speaks in a manner that conveys naiveté. His HR representative describes him as having difficulty with colleagues who are not like him. He becomes defensive with those who are not American born, and also those who do not support his rigid religious beliefs. He is seen as a talented contributor but very uneasy with his Indian colleagues as he often retreats in their presence. During our first meeting he mentioned that he was glad I was a Christian so he could feel free to talk openly. “My last psychologist was Jewish, and I just couldn’t relate to him.” I asked Luke why and he could not specify: “It was just a feeling, an uneasiness.”
When the origin of prejudice cannot be identified it is often the result of conditioning from the past that was not examined earlier in an objective manner. What we hear in our homes can very easily become a belief in a young person’s mind.
I inquired if Luke had had experience with Jewish colleagues or Jewish friends. “We didn’t have any Jews in our tow;, no blacks, no Asians, just people like me.” I asked him why he assumed I was Christian. “Because of your last name. Aren’t you Italian?” I answered in the affirmative but also let him know that there are Italian Jews in Italy, and in this country, too. One thousand or more Italian Jews died in Auschwitz, and it is estimated that 45,000 Jews live in Italy currently. Suddenly Luke looked very uneasy. His comfort level had dissipated based on a new classification of the person in front of him.
In my experience, Luke’s story is fairly typical. He believed what he’d learned early in life from authority figures─parents, teachers and clergy─lessons based on distortions that were passed down from generation to generation. But as we formed a bond Luke gradually became open to examining each of the ideas embedded in his psyche that may or may not have been true. His fear of my being Jewish dissipated through the empathic bond we formed. He gradually felt more open to question me and to explore his own belief system. For instance, he asked why Jews would not accept that Jesus was the Messiah. My answer: “How could they when the Messiah, according to Jewish scripture, is expected to create an age of universal peace, end all hatred, oppression and suffering, and unite humanity through the knowledge of the God of Israel, none of which he did.” To his credit, Luke listened and learned. “Jews are not disparaging Jesus, they simply are adhering to the signs that they believe would indicate the messiah’s presence. Slowly, Luke’s empathic range expanded. Over time he became comfortable within the diverse world in which he lives.
It is a scientific fact that when we form empathic bonds, we change brain chemistry for the better, producing the near miracle neurotransmitter oxytocin, which creates trust and a willingness to listen and to learn.
After eighteen months of weekly meetings, Luke began a session by asking why he had never seen my wife or kids in the yard or around the house (I work from an office in my home). I responded, “What makes you think I have a wife and kids?” With a mischievous grin on his face and said, “Oh, great; now you’re going to tell me you’re an Italian, gay Jew”. I asked Luke if it would matter. “Not any more, Doc,” he said, “were past all that foolishness.” Mission accomplished.
The Triumph of Diversity
The experience I had with Luke over those months is similar to the experience I have had with many individuals, particularly those who have joined my leadership and communication groups. Those groups, which have been ongoing for more than thirty years, are populated by Iranian Christians, Indian Hindu’s, British Episcopalians, Australian protestants, Black Central Africans, Gay men, Lesbian women, obese individuals and straight white Americans. The members of the group appear to be very different on the outside, but over time each comes to understand their shared humanity. Such an experience is infectious; once a person learns how to relate empathically to others, he feels more comfortable and more secure in the world. A brain change has taken place that markedly reduces fear and the need to be afraid of differences; empathy opens the door to commonalities.
Hopefully, this process can be manifested in all of our lives so that we may counter the divisiveness currently gaining momentum within our country. We are in desperate need of more of those who unite rather than ostracize.
Now, let’s examine the recent resurgence of hate and prejudice within our culture.
Anti-Semitic occurrences reached a record high in 2018. The Anti-Defamation League recorded 1,879 incidents of vandalism, harassment or attacks. The worst attack at a Pittsburgh synagogue left eleven people dead, the most dreadful attack in modern history in the United States. The greatest amount of hate crimes against any religious group targeted Jews, an increase of 664 from 2015 to 2016.
The number of assaults against Muslims rose significantly from 2015 to 2016. There were 307 incidents of anti-Muslim hate crimes in 2016, a 19% increase in one year. The total number of anti-Muslim incidents rose 67% from 2014 to 2015.
Regardless of political persuasion, we must work to end Islamophobia and anti-Semitism because the struggle is the same: to preserve diversity, inclusiveness and the freedom to be and speak without fear of reprisal.
Half of all hate crimes in the United States are race related (the FBI indicates that 47% of hate crimes are racially motivated). 2,013 incidents involving Black or African American as victims occurred in 2017. The majority of Americans believe race relations have worsened.
LBGTQ workers also face considerable discrimination in the workplace. One of out of every twenty-five complaints about discrimination is reported by LGBTQ employees. Transgender workers experience even higher discrimination, with 97% experiencing harassment. Additional studies have found a significant negative bias toward LBGTQ individuals in the medical community as well, making it harder to obtain quality medical care.
In a Pew research center survey in 2017, 42% of women said that they had experienced some form of gender discrimination. One in five women said they had been sexually harassed at work, while one in five women under age thirty said they had been sexually harassed online.
Three years ago, the United States ranked 28th in gender equality according to the World Economic Forum study of 149 countries. Last year, the US ranked 51st.
An analysis of 214 studies and 91,000 teenagers in the Journal The American Psychologist found that perceived discrimination led to depression, low self-esteem, lower academic performance, lower motivation, substance abuse and risky sexual behavior. Other reports have found that women who reported sex discrimination were three times more likely to experience clinical depression.
However, many under the age of forty still want and seek out diversity. They are the most diverse group of Americans in our history. They have rejected old stereotypes, racial divisions and prefer to work with and live in communities composed of various ethnic groups. They are as we all should be, committed to not allowing our communities to be divided along religious or racial lines. The most successful American cities, like Boston, Seattle, Chicago, and Washington have significant numbers of ethnic groups and all have thriving LGBTQ communities. A study in Psychology, Public Policy, and Law found that US cities with greater gender pay equality had more advanced laws against sexual orientation-based discrimination.
The encouraging news, according to a 2019 CNN and Kaiser Family Foundation poll, is that 81% of Americans say that the increasing number of people from different ethnic groups, different races and different nationalities is enriching American culture. This is an increase from 70% in 2016. There is, however, an increase in those who believe ethnic and racial discrimination has worsened. The survey also indicated that Latino Americans and Blacks report that they feel their lives are in more danger than they were in 2015.
The Empathy Dilemma
Empathy is the capacity to understand and respond to the unique experiences of another. It is essentially the ability to see beyond the surface and into the heart and soul of another. Countries with higher levels of empathy, according to a Michigan State University study, have higher levels of self-esteem, agreeableness, conscientiousness, well- being, prosocial behavior and collectivism. Unfortunately, in recent years there has been a reduction in empathy and an increase in self-absorption in America. A study from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research discovered that college students currently have higher levels of narcissism and lower levels of empathy than those of the previous generation.
Interestingly, additional studies found that women in their fifties are more empathic than any other group, with middle age adults being more empathic than older and younger adults. I imagine being immersed in motherhood has expanded empathy for many women, as well as women who have been caregivers, spouses or parents. Researchers have proven, however, that empathy can always be expanded, and that such expansion contributes to a sense of well-being. Hannah Schreier of Penn State University split Canadian high school sophomores into two groups. One group volunteered at a local elementary school, the other group was on a waiting list for volunteering. Three months later those who had volunteered had lower body index and significantly lower cholesterol levels. Those most interesting result was that those who had the highest empathy had the lowest inflammation levels, and those with the highest altruism had the lowest cholesterol levels. Of course, this particular study was conducted with high school sophomores, so it is not clear what we might generalize about the adult population. Yet other studies have shown that volunteers who think about others decrease their mortality risk markedly. Empathic immersion in the lives of others changes our entire physiology for the better. One key way to increase empathy is to feel compassion for those suffering in the world, in your area, nationally and internationally. In other words, following Thomas Paine’s quote, my favorite of all quotes. An exclusive approach to the world restricts empathy; ignoring oppression, wherever it takes place, robs us of our humanity.
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About Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D., Ph.D. and The Triumph of Diversity: Have we come to a time where differences in color, religion, sexuality, or nationality are seen as threats to our way of life? Has exclusion and lack of interest in those suffering in other parts of the world become a way to protect us from our fears? When we close the door to those who seem dissimilar, we limit our potential for growth. Diversity expands the mind and enriches the soul; it is the antidote to groupthink. In The Triumph of Diversity, Dr. Ciaramicoli analyzes prejudice by tracing it to personal origins and relates true stories of courageous individuals who have overcome hatred, cruelty and sadism to become open-minded, loving resilient people. He re-emphasizes that we are in desperate need of those who unite rather than those who ostracize. Dr. Ciaramicoli shares his observations as a psychologist in clinical practice, his interviews with laymen, clinicians and clergy, and data from current research to conclude, as Thomas Paine said, “My Country is the World; my Religion is to do Good,” and that learned prejudices can be laid bare and redirected to give way to genuine empathy and inclusion over exclusion. Dr. Ciaramicoli can be reached at balanceyoursuccess.com.
Greenwich, CT – (March 31, 2020) – Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc. proudly announces that it will be hosting its 200th consecutive weekly meeting of the world’s first and only confidential, online White Collar Support Group on Monday, April 13, 2020 at 7:00 pm ET, 6:00 pm CT, 5:00 pm MT, 4:00 pm PT.
Jeff Grant, J.D., M.Div., who co-founded and hosts the meeting, explained the significance of this milestone. “We are extremely proud of what we’ve accomplished together. When we started the group four years ago, we had a dream that people with white collar justice issues, who are living in isolation with shame, guilt, and fear, could form a supportive community to accept full responsibility for their behavior, make amends, and embrace new lives of compassion, empathy, kindness and accountability. Group members support one another and reach out to others suffering in silence.”
“Attendance is steadily increasing. We’ve had over 180 men and women participating from 25 different states – and Canada, South America and the Caribbean,” Grant said. “While everyone who participates in the forum has been prosecuted for a white collar crime, or is otherwise exiled from the economy, the group is solution-oriented and dedicated to understanding, encouragement, practical advice and resource sharing for long-term recovery and success.”
Several individuals from the group have volunteered their testimonials:
“This support group has given me an opportunity to share my thoughts, concerns and emotional trauma with a compassionate and understanding group of people who all traveled a similar journey…” – Jeffrey Abramowitz (PA)
“Finding the group was such a turning point for me as I was lost. The group helped me with my immense feelings of guilt and how to overcome issues that I never knew would exist for me…” – Jacqueline Polverari (CT)
“I heard Jeff Grant interviewed on the Rich Roll podcast and knew I had to contact him, if nothing else, just to thank him for opening up and helping me realize that there are many others going through difficult situations…many, much worse than mine. He asked me to join the Monday night support group, telling me it’s the isolation that destroys us, and that the solution is in community…” Anonymous (OH)
Grant explained, “Most men and women, who have been prosecuted for white collar crimes, can’t go back to their old lives and careers, so what choice do they really have? Why not embrace a completely new life, with new options, and new opportunities centered on spirituality and doing the right things? The most fortunate are those who figure out that their attempts to solve problems in isolation are not working, and that they no longer have to go it alone.”
For those who would like to participate, Progressive Prison Ministries sends out weekly login instructions with a unique link for each week’s meeting. Participants choose to login on video via computer, tablet or smart phone, or audio only via phone.
Established in 2012 in Greenwich, CT, Progressive Prison Ministries is the world’s first ministry serving the white collar/ economy exiled community. More information is available on its website at prisonist.org and on its social media channels: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
About Progressive Prison Ministries’ Co-Founders:
Co-founders Jeff Grant and Lynn Springer were featured in a twelve-page article in Greenwich Magazine “The Redemption of Jeff Grant”. After an addiction to prescription opioids and serving almost 14 months in a Federal prison for a white-collar crime he committed when he was a lawyer, Jeff began his own reentry – earning a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary in New York City with a focus in Christian Social Ethics.
Dear Jeff, WOW! I read “Smacked” and I’m very grateful to you for sharing this book. I feel like someone smacked me in the face and truly opened my eyes even more! We all need that wake up call. If only we can smack more people to get out of their shells. This book gave me more dots to connect in my own self-exploration and that of our society. I have to say that I feel lucky having more than 38 minutes of face time with people presently. Having that time allows me to see; despite its own challenges. I can only imagine how many chords it hit in your heart as you were able to associate with the demands and pressures of “Big Law.” I’m sure you knew exactly what Peter was going through, thinking, feeling, wanting to escape and yet still wanting to win and control a power that was much greater than yourself. I know I did. I like how the book first talks about how our brain tends to focus on the truths we need to receive in order to support our thinking. This results in narrow-minded thinking. This is how majority of humans think in order to win a case and stay competitive within their own field of thinking. I think this book not only applies to law, but to the fields of healthcare, finance and technology – areas that require undivided attention, constant dopamine like outcomes, and the “need” to always out perform and be the best. How do we breathe when there is no oxygen left? You do whatever it takes to please your boss and make the unimaginable happen. That was my high. I may have not had an opioid addiction, but the addiction of wanting a connection and wanting to feel accepted by working non-stop despite the risks I took to achieve those goals sounded all too familiar when reading the book. What do you do when you get that feeling when something is wrong? Sometime you suppress the instinct, divert or blame yourself for ideas and feelings that absolutely could not be possible. Anything is possible. Peter is a prime example. Peter, you and I – are perfect examples. People fight addiction and high stress environments all the time. There is no bias. Our society is leaning towards a virtual reality of trying to become high-functioning addict super-hero figures, hiding our voids and doing whatever it takes to stay in the top seat. I never thought of it this way, but how many attorneys, prosecutors and judges are in the same spot we are. They are the decision makers and do whatever it takes to stay within their narrow lane. How can two disconnections come together to provide a healthy outcome? It’s interesting how a first year law student has different ideals and values by the time they come out of law school. Again, the same type of application can be used in the schools of business and science. Eilene does a remarkable job describing her vulnerability and role of once being married to an addict, parenting with an addict, but having no idea what that struggle really meant. How that struggle resulted in a lot of pain to her children, herself, the doubts she herself developed; yet, society seems to continue with this ever-growing epidemic. She shares her intimate story and that of her children – what is it like to live with an addict and not know it? How could they have prevented it? Could they? The “what if” factor that really doesn’t do us any good after the disaster is done. However, we can still ask “what if” we start paying attention to such patterns and stories to change the narrative. What if Peter had a more well-balanced life? What if health examinations were administered on the job or prior to cases in the courtroom? What if Peter was not pinned as “the bad guy who was selfish and threw himself into drugs?” What if he was able to actually digest and process life vs suppressing it with drugs to compensate for the over-stimulation in his brain that was not possible to compete with the demands of his coercive environment? What if we opened our eyes and looked at Peter from a 360 degree perspective and truly looked at the larger problem that is right in front of our eyes? A man who tried to survive in a chaotic world, a toxic work environment, disruption, corruption, demands and lack of meaningful connection. This book opens up the thought process to think and look at what’s in front of us. This is not only an opioid crisis, but a crisis of disconnection, misunderstanding; a mass-incarceration of humanity that is coping with over-stimulation and no platform to allow the human body to breathe and thrive in a more well-balanced world. Do you really think 38 minutes of live face-time makes a well-rounded person? That’s so disheartening to read, but it’s the truth. As a society, we ignore these truths because we are too entrenched into staring into our screens by being stimulated into the need of wanting more. We turn to escapes because the “real world” is difficult to life. What we don’t realize until everything is removed from us is that happiness lies right within us. We have to have the time to feel and realize this. Our magic pill is real, live and still time with no interruptions to see, truly see what’s within us. This book should be shared with 1st year law students and students of all professions – they are our future. They are the ones who will be able to make an impact and to see what the current generation is not willing to explore. If our society continues to with anti-social, erratic and disconnected behavior, what kind of life are we building for future generations that are becoming more reliant upon drugs? Eilene and her family struggled with the fact that they were not able to see the problem right in front of their face. She had many of the puzzle pieces, but the pieces that were right in front of her, did not come into full view until it was too late. This book tells us a story of a life that was successful. Peter loved his family dearly, but he did not know how to connect based on the demands of life that were around him. He escaped into a world that was darker and one he could not control. This book reframes the necessary change that needs to be looked at in regards to mental health, addiction and mass-incarceration. It time we stop dismissing the evidence that doesn’t fit within societal norms. Eilene’s strong research presents a story that many are battling. It’s a story that can save many lives and one that can create awareness to families, corporations and systems. Sometimes you cannot repair the damage that’s been done, but by reading this book one can become enlightened of the full story behind the actions of a human who needed help reconnecting to human life. Like Lao-Tzu once wrote, “The supreme goodness is like water. It benefits all things without contention.” Eilene encourages us to be open to change and to live like water – formless, shapeless and alive. Life is not easy, but it’s certainly real. THANK YOU!!!! Big hugs and with extreme gratitude to you and Eilene, Basia
WOW! I read “Smacked” and I’m very grateful to you for sharing this book. I feel like someone smacked me in the face and truly opened my eyes even more! We all need that wake up call. If only we can smack more people to get out of their shells. This book gave me more dots to connect in my own self-exploration and that of our society. I have to say that I feel lucky having more than 38 minutes of face time with people presently. Having that time allows me to see; despite its own challenges.
I can only imagine how many chords it hit in your heart as you were able to associate with the demands and pressures of “Big Law.” I’m sure you knew exactly what Peter was going through, thinking, feeling, wanting to escape and yet still wanting to win and control a power that was much greater than yourself. I know I did. I like how the book first talks about how our brain tends to focus on the truths we need to receive in order to support our thinking. This results in narrow-minded thinking. This is how majority of humans think in order to win a case and stay competitive within their own field of thinking. I think this book not only applies to law, but to the fields of healthcare, finance and technology – areas that require undivided attention, constant dopamine like outcomes, and the “need” to always out perform and be the best. How do we breathe when there is no oxygen left? You do whatever it takes to please your boss and make the unimaginable happen. That was my high. I may have not had an opioid addiction, but the addiction of wanting a connection and wanting to feel accepted by working non-stop despite the risks I took to achieve those goals sounded all too familiar when reading the book.
What do you do when you get that feeling when something is wrong? Sometime you suppress the instinct, divert or blame yourself for ideas and feelings that absolutely could not be possible. Anything is possible. Peter is a prime example. Peter, you and I – are perfect examples. People fight addiction and high stress environments all the time. There is no bias. Our society is leaning towards a virtual reality of trying to become high-functioning addict super-hero figures, hiding our voids and doing whatever it takes to stay in the top seat. I never thought of it this way, but how many attorneys, prosecutors and judges are in the same spot we are. They are the decision makers and do whatever it takes to stay within their narrow lane. How can two disconnections come together to provide a healthy outcome? It’s interesting how a first year law student has different ideals and values by the time they come out of law school. Again, the same type of application can be used in the schools of business and science.
Eilene does a remarkable job describing her vulnerability and role of once being married to an addict, parenting with an addict, but having no idea what that struggle really meant. How that struggle resulted in a lot of pain to her children, herself, the doubts she herself developed; yet, society seems to continue with this ever-growing epidemic. She shares her intimate story and that of her children – what is it like to live with an addict and not know it? How could they have prevented it? Could they? The “what if” factor that really doesn’t do us any good after the disaster is done. However, we can still ask “what if” we start paying attention to such patterns and stories to change the narrative. What if Peter had a more well-balanced life? What if health examinations were administered on the job or prior to cases in the courtroom? What if Peter was not pinned as “the bad guy who was selfish and threw himself into drugs?” What if he was able to actually digest and process life vs suppressing it with drugs to compensate for the over-stimulation in his brain that was not possible to compete with the demands of his coercive environment? What if we opened our eyes and looked at Peter from a 360 degree perspective and truly looked at the larger problem that is right in front of our eyes? A man who tried to survive in a chaotic world, a toxic work environment, disruption, corruption, demands and lack of meaningful connection. This book opens up the thought process to think and look at what’s in front of us. This is not only an opioid crisis, but a crisis of disconnection, misunderstanding; a mass-incarceration of humanity that is coping with over-stimulation and no platform to allow the human body to breathe and thrive in a more well-balanced world. Do you really think 38 minutes of live face-time makes a well-rounded person? That’s so disheartening to read, but it’s the truth. As a society, we ignore these truths because we are too entrenched into staring into our screens by being stimulated into the need of wanting more. We turn to escapes because the “real world” is difficult to life. What we don’t realize until everything is removed from us is that happiness lies right within us. We have to have the time to feel and realize this. Our magic pill is real, live and still time with no interruptions to see, truly see what’s within us.
This book should be shared with 1st year law students and students of all professions – they are our future. They are the ones who will be able to make an impact and to see what the current generation is not willing to explore. If our society continues to with anti-social, erratic and disconnected behavior, what kind of life are we building for future generations that are becoming more reliant upon drugs? Eilene and her family struggled with the fact that they were not able to see the problem right in front of their face. She had many of the puzzle pieces, but the pieces that were right in front of her, did not come into full view until it was too late. This book tells us a story of a life that was successful. Peter loved his family dearly, but he did not know how to connect based on the demands of life that were around him. He escaped into a world that was darker and one he could not control. This book reframes the necessary change that needs to be looked at in regards to mental health, addiction and mass-incarceration. It time we stop dismissing the evidence that doesn’t fit within societal norms. Eilene’s strong research presents a story that many are battling. It’s a story that can save many lives and one that can create awareness to families, corporations and systems. Sometimes you cannot repair the damage that’s been done, but by reading this book one can become enlightened of the full story behind the actions of a human who needed help reconnecting to human life.
Like Lao-Tzu once wrote, “The supreme goodness is like water. It benefits all things without contention.” Eilene encourages us to be open to change and to live like water – formless, shapeless and alive. Life is not easy, but it’s certainly real.
THANK YOU!!!!
Big hugs and with extreme gratitude to you and Eilene,
After an addiction to prescription opioids and serving almost fourteen months in a Federal prison for a white-collar crime I committed when I was a lawyer, I started my own reentry – earning a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary. I understand your issues and how they might lead, or already have led, to loss of your freedom, your career, and estrangement from your family, friends & community. I provide spiritual solutions, emotional support and practical advice to help you find a path to a healthy, spirit-filled place on the other side of what may seem like insurmountable problems. My practice is nonsectarian, serving those of all faiths.
With over three decades of experience in crisis management, business, law, reentry, recovery (17+ years clean & sober), and executive and ordained religious leadership, I will guide you forward in your life, relationships, career and business opportunities, and help you stop making the kinds of decisions that previously resulted in loss, suffering & shame.
If you, a friend, family member, colleague or client are suffering from a white collar criminal justice issue, are otherwise economy exiled, or are experiencing some other traumatic or life-altering event, please contact me. In person or nationwide via FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, email, text, etc. All sessions & communications are strictly confidential under state clergy privilege laws.
Link to Jeff’s pastoral support professional listing on Psychology Today here.
After an addiction to prescription opioids and serving almost fourteen months in a Federal prison for a white-collar crime I committed when I was a lawyer, I started my own reentry – earning a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary. I understand your issues and how they might lead, or already have led, to loss of your freedom, your career, and estrangement from your family, friends & community. I provide spiritual solutions, emotional support and practical advice to help you find a path to a healthy, spirit-filled place on the other side of what may seem like insurmountable problems. My practice is nonsectarian, serving those of all faiths.
With over three decades of experience in crisis management, business, law, reentry, recovery (17+ years clean & sober), and executive and ordained religious leadership, I will guide you forward in your life, relationships, career and business opportunities, and help you stop making the kinds of decisions that previously resulted in loss, suffering & shame.
If you, a friend, family member, colleague or client are suffering from a white collar criminal justice issue, are otherwise economy exiled, or are experiencing some other traumatic or life-altering event, please contact me. In person or nationwide via FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, email, text, etc. All sessions & communications are strictly confidential under state clergy privilege laws.
Link to Jeff’s pastoral support professional listing on Psychology Today here.
On Friday, May 1, 2020, 9 am ET, Eilene Zimmerman, author of the new book, “Smacked: A Story of White Collar Ambition, Addiction and Tragedy”, was our guest on Criminal Justice Insider with Babz Rawls Ivy & Jeff Grant – The Voice of CT Criminal Justice. Live on WNHH 103.5 FM New Haven, rebroadcast at 5 pm. Live-streamed and podcast everywhere, see below. Sponsored by the Community Foundation for Greater New Haven.
Eilene Zimmerman, the author of the new book, “Smacked: A Story of White Collar Ambition, Addiction and Tragedy” has been a journalist for three decades, covering business, technology and social issues for a wide array of national magazines and newspapers. She was a columnist for The New York Times Sunday Business section for six years and since 2004 has been a regular contributor to the newspaper. In 2017, Zimmerman also began pursuing a master’s degree in social work. She lives in New York City. More below…
Listen on SoundCloud:
Watch on YouTube:
Something was wrong with Peter. Eilene Zimmerman noticed that her ex-husband looked thin, seemed distracted, and was frequently absent from activities with their children. She thought he looked sick and needed to see a doctor. Yet in many ways, Peter also seemed to have it all: a senior partnership at a prominent law firm, a beautiful house by the beach, expensive cars, and other luxuries that came with an affluent life. Although they were divorced, Eilene and Peter had been partners and friends for decades, so, when her calls to Peter were not returned for several days, Eilene went to his house to see if he was OK.
So begins Smacked, a brilliant and moving memoir of Eilene’s shocking discovery, one that sets her on a journey to find out how a man she knew for nearly 30 years became a drug addict, hiding it so well that neither she nor anyone else in his life suspected what was happening. Peter was also addicted to work; the last call he ever made was to dial into a conference call. Eilene is determined to learn all she can about Peter’s hidden life, and also about drug addiction among ambitious, high-achieving professionals like him. Through extensive research and interviews, she presents a picture of drug dependence today in that moneyed, upwardly mobile world. She also embarks on a journey to recreate her life in the wake of loss, both of the person—and the relationship—that profoundly defined the woman she had become. More at eilenezimmerman.com.
The Criminal Justice Insider Podcast with Babz Rawls Ivy and Jeff Grant is broadcast live at 9 am ET on the first and third Friday of each month Sept. through June, from the WNHH 103.5 FM studios in New Haven. It is rebroadcast on WNHH at 5 pm ET the same day. Podcast and Archive available all the time, everywhere.
Season Three Program/Guests List (*formerly incarcerated):
Fri., Sept. 6, 2019: Khalil Cumberbatch*, Chief Strategist at New Yorkers United for Justice Fri., Sept. 20, 2019: Aaron T. Kinzel, Lecturer in Criminology and Criminal Justice at the University of Michigan-Dearborn Fri., Oct. 4, 2019: Charlie Grady, Outreach Specialist for the FBI CT Community Outreach Program Fri., Oct. 18, 2019: Michael Kimelman*, Former Hedge Funder and Author of Confessions of a Wall Street Insider: A Cautionary Tale of Rats, Feds, and Banksters Fri., Nov. 1, 2019: Corey Brinson*, Former Attorney Convicted for a White Collar Crime who is running for Hartford City Council Fri., Nov. 15, 2019: Cathryn Lavery, Ph.D., Asst. Chair & Graduate Coordinator for the Iona College Criminal Justice Department Fri., Dec. 6, 2019: “Free Prison Phone Calls” Show, CT Rep. Josh Elliott & Tiheba Bain Fri. Dec. 20, 2019: John Hamilton, CEO, Liberation Programs Fri., Jan. 3, 2020: Reginald Dwayne Betts*, Lawyer, Poet, Lecturer on Mass Incarceration Fri., Jan. 17, 2020: Serena Ligouri*, Executive Director, New Hour for Women & Children – L.I. Fri., Feb. 7, 2020: David Garlock*, Program Director, New Person Ministries, Lancaster, PA Fri., Feb. 20, 2020: Larry Levine, Talk Show Host & Criminal Justice Consultant Fri,. Mar. 6, 2020: Hans Hallundbaek, Interfaith Prison Partnership Fri., Mar. 20, 2020: Tiheba Bain*, Women’s Incarceration Advocate Fri., Apr. 3, 2020: Rev. Dr. Harold Dean Trulear, Director, Healing Communities Prison Ministry Thurs., Apr. 16, 2020, 6:30 pm: Live Onstage at Iona College, New Rochelle, NY, Special Guests to be Announced Fri., Apr. 17, 2020: Inaugural Inductees of the CT Hall of Change & Charlie Grady, Founder Fri., May 1, 2020: Eilene Zimmerman, Author of the New Book, “Smacked: A Story of White Collar Ambition, Addiction & Tragedy” Fri., May 15, 2020: Fran Pastore, CEO, Women’s Business Development Council
Our ministry regularly sends books to our White Collar Support Group members who are serving time in prison. We recently sent in the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. This book has special significance to me because it taught me lessons in hope and faith and informed the way I looked at my incarceration, recovery and reentry. In places of limited control, there are still things that we have power over: our bodies, our attitudes, and our ability to help others. Below is a book review we received from one of our group members. Please send your thoughts to me at [email protected] and I will make sure he receives them. Blessings, Jeff
____________________
Dear Jeff, Thank you for sending me this book because it deals with suffering and the meaning of life. The author (Viktor Frankl) was a doctor before being imprisoned in several Nazi war camps, and he used his view of suffering to survive the experience and then thrive upon his liberation. Frankl does not take a spiritual view but many of the principles and accounts in the book are spiritual and would have significance in any teaching on the meaning of life or the value of suffering. Although this book deals with suffering caused by literal imprisonment, there are absolute parallels to people imprisoned by their sin and past failures. I highly recommend the book. Here’s the book report I owe you :-). Although Frankl ignores the subject of HOW a person can change their mind about the value of suffering to enhance the meaning of life, he does a great job of explaining the psychology of suffering and appealing strongly to all of us to appreciate the role suffering can play to make our lives more meaningful. A key message in this book is “it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.” (I would replace ‘life’ with ‘God’). This book dovetails very well with my studies in Restorative Justice (especially the top of page 138 and 148-149) relative to people who have confessed to committing crimes. This book gave me some great insight highlighted in the 21 points below. THANK YOU FOR THE BOOK – IT WAS A GREAT BLESSING AND WILL HELP ME ALONG THIS JOURNEY! 1. There are three phases to a prisoner’s mental reaction to prison life: 1) shock 2) apathy 3) liberation. 2. Suffering is more about the mental and emotion than it is about the act. 3. Even in a Nazi prison camp it is possible for a spiritual life to deepen. 4. Using images and memories from the past – especially of loved ones – are essential to survive suffering. In speaking of his wife Frankl writes “My mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look…A thought crossed my mind: I didn’t even know if she were still alive. I knew only one thing, which I have learned well by now – love goes far beyond the physical person of the beloved…Whether or not she is actually present, whether or not she is still alive at all ceases somehow to be of importance.” Bonnie and I have talked about the importance of using our strong memories of vivid events to maintain our strong love. (37-38) 5. “Humor, more than any other emotion, can help us rise above any situation even if only for a moment.” (43) 6. “The majority of prisoners suffered from an inferiority complex. We all had been or fancied ourselves to be “somebody”. Now we were being treated as complete non-entities. The consciousness of one’s inner value is anchored in higher, more spiritual things, and cannot be shaken by camp life. But how many men, let alone prisoners, possess it?” This last sentence/question is provoking – I believe I have this awareness through Christ, but time will tell. 7. “There are always choices to make…which determine whether or not you will become a plaything of circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity to become molded into the form of a typical inmate…Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under these circumstances, decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually…It is this spiritual freedom – which cannot be taken away – that makes life meaningful and purposeful.” (66-67) WOW! 8. “The way in which a man accepts his fate, and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity – even under the most difficult circumstances – to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified, and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become nothing more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not…Do not think these considerations are unworldly or too far removed from real life. It is true that only a few people are capable of reaching such high moral standards…Such men are not only in concentration camps. Everywhere man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffering.” (67-68) 9. “The Latin word FINIS has two meanings: the end or the finish, and the goal to reach. A man who could not see then end of his “provisional existence” was not able to aim at an ultimate goal in life…Instead of taking camp’s difficulties as a test of their inner strength, they did not take their life seriously and despised it as something of no consequence. They preferred to close their eyes and live in the past. Life for such people became meaningless. It is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking into the future. And this is his salvation in the most difficult times although he has to sometimes force his mind to the task.” (70, 72, 73) 10. “Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it. The prisoner who lost faith in the future – his future – was doomed. With his loss of belief in the future he also lost his spiritual hold; he let himself decline and let himself become subject to mental and spiritual decay. Usually this happened quite suddenly, in the form of a crisis…” (74) 11. “What you have experienced no power on earth can take from you. Not only our experiences, but all we have done, whatever great thoughts we may have had, and all we have suffered, all this is not lost, though it is past; we have brought it into being. Having been is also a kind of being, and perhaps the surest kind.” (82) 12. It would be an error to think that a liberated prisoner was not in need of spiritual care any more…the man who has been liberated from mental pressure can suffer damage to his moral and spiritual health.” (89-90) 13. There are two fundamental experiences which can damage the character of a liberated prisoner: bitterness and disillusionment. “Woe to him who found that the person whose memory alone had given him the courage in camp did not exist anymore.” (91-92) 14. “The crowning experience of all, for the homecoming man, is the wonderful feeling that, after all he has suffered, there is nothing he need fear any more – except his God.” (93) 15. “Those who knew that there was a task waiting from them to fulfill were the most apt to survive.” (104) 16. “Mental health is based on a certain degree of tension – between what one is and what one should become.” (104-105). This reminded me of Romans 7. 17. Boredom is now causing more psychological problems than distress. (107) 18. “There are people, however, who do not interpret their own lives merely in terms of a task being assigned to them but also in terms of the taskmaster who has assigned it to them.” (110) AMEN!! 19. “No one can become fully aware of the essence of another human being unless he loves him.” (111). I thought about the relationship between God and us — we can each understand the essence of the other, and of each other, through love. 20. “Freedom is the negative aspect of of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness…THAT IS WHY I RECOMMEND THAT THE STATURE OF LIBERTY ON THE EAST COAST BE SUPPLEMENTED BY A STATUE OF RESPONSIBILITY ON THE WEST COAST” (132). I love this statement! 21. “Human potential at its best always allows for 1) turning suffering into human achievement and accomplishment, 2) deriving from guilt the opportunity to change oneself for the better, and 3) deriving from life’s transitoriness an incentive to take responsibility for action.” (138). I want to explore this position in greater detail to see if it is fundamental to Restorative Justice.
Our ministry regularly sends books to our White Collar Support Group members who are serving time in prison. We recently sent in the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. This book has special significance to me because it taught me lessons in hope and faith and informed the way I looked at my incarceration, recovery and reentry. In places of limited control, there are still things that we have power over: our bodies, our attitudes, and our ability to help others. Below is a book review we received from one of our group members. Please send your thoughts to me at [email protected] and I will make sure he receives them. Blessings, Jeff
____________________
Dear Jeff,
Thank you for sending me this book because it deals with suffering and the meaning of life. The author (Viktor Frankl) was a doctor before being imprisoned in several Nazi war camps, and he used his view of suffering to survive the experience and then thrive upon his liberation. Frankl does not take a spiritual view but many of the principles and accounts in the book are spiritual and would have significance in any teaching on the meaning of life or the value of suffering. Although this book deals with suffering caused by literal imprisonment, there are absolute parallels to people imprisoned by their sin and past failures. I highly recommend the book. Here’s the book report I owe you :-).
Although Frankl ignores the subject of HOW a person can change their mind about the value of suffering to enhance the meaning of life, he does a great job of explaining the psychology of suffering and appealing strongly to all of us to appreciate the role suffering can play to make our lives more meaningful. A key message in this book is “it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.” (I would replace ‘life’ with ‘God’).
This book dovetails very well with my studies in Restorative Justice (especially the top of page 138 and 148-149) relative to people who have confessed to committing crimes.
This book gave me some great insight highlighted in the 21 points below. THANK YOU FOR THE BOOK – IT WAS A GREAT BLESSING AND WILL HELP ME ALONG THIS JOURNEY!
1. There are three phases to a prisoner’s mental reaction to prison life: 1) shock 2) apathy 3) liberation.
2. Suffering is more about the mental and emotion than it is about the act.
3. Even in a Nazi prison camp it is possible for a spiritual life to deepen.
4. Using images and memories from the past – especially of loved ones – are essential to survive suffering. In speaking of his wife Frankl writes “My mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look…A thought crossed my mind: I didn’t even know if she were still alive. I knew only one thing, which I have learned well by now – love goes far beyond the physical person of the beloved…Whether or not she is actually present, whether or not she is still alive at all ceases somehow to be of importance.” Bonnie and I have talked about the importance of using our strong memories of vivid events to maintain our strong love. (37-38)
5. “Humor, more than any other emotion, can help us rise above any situation even if only for a moment.” (43)
6. “The majority of prisoners suffered from an inferiority complex. We all had been or fancied ourselves to be “somebody”. Now we were being treated as complete non-entities. The consciousness of one’s inner value is anchored in higher, more spiritual things, and cannot be shaken by camp life. But how many men, let alone prisoners, possess it?” This last sentence/question is provoking – I believe I have this awareness through Christ, but time will tell.
7. “There are always choices to make…which determine whether or not you will become a plaything of circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity to become molded into the form of a typical inmate…Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under these circumstances, decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually…It is this spiritual freedom – which cannot be taken away – that makes life meaningful and purposeful.” (66-67) WOW!
8. “The way in which a man accepts his fate, and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity – even under the most difficult circumstances – to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified, and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become nothing more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not…Do not think these considerations are unworldly or too far removed from real life. It is true that only a few people are capable of reaching such high moral standards…Such men are not only in concentration camps. Everywhere man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffering.” (67-68)
9. “The Latin word FINIS has two meanings: the end or the finish, and the goal to reach. A man who could not see then end of his “provisional existence” was not able to aim at an ultimate goal in life…Instead of taking camp’s difficulties as a test of their inner strength, they did not take their life seriously and despised it as something of no consequence. They preferred to close their eyes and live in the past. Life for such people became meaningless. It is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking into the future. And this is his salvation in the most difficult times although he has to sometimes force his mind to the task.” (70, 72, 73)
10. “Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it. The prisoner who lost faith in the future – his future – was doomed. With his loss of belief in the future he also lost his spiritual hold; he let himself decline and let himself become subject to mental and spiritual decay. Usually this happened quite suddenly, in the form of a crisis…” (74)
11. “What you have experienced no power on earth can take from you. Not only our experiences, but all we have done, whatever great thoughts we may have had, and all we have suffered, all this is not lost, though it is past; we have brought it into being. Having been is also a kind of being, and perhaps the surest kind.” (82)
12. It would be an error to think that a liberated prisoner was not in need of spiritual care any more…the man who has been liberated from mental pressure can suffer damage to his moral and spiritual health.” (89-90)
13. There are two fundamental experiences which can damage the character of a liberated prisoner: bitterness and disillusionment. “Woe to him who found that the person whose memory alone had given him the courage in camp did not exist anymore.” (91-92)
14. “The crowning experience of all, for the homecoming man, is the wonderful feeling that, after all he has suffered, there is nothing he need fear any more – except his God.” (93)
15. “Those who knew that there was a task waiting from them to fulfill were the most apt to survive.” (104)
16. “Mental health is based on a certain degree of tension – between what one is and what one should become.” (104-105). This reminded me of Romans 7.
17. Boredom is now causing more psychological problems than distress. (107)
18. “There are people, however, who do not interpret their own lives merely in terms of a task being assigned to them but also in terms of the taskmaster who has assigned it to them.” (110) AMEN!!
19. “No one can become fully aware of the essence of another human being unless he loves him.” (111). I thought about the relationship between God and us — we can each understand the essence of the other, and of each other, through love.
20. “Freedom is the negative aspect of of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness…THAT IS WHY I RECOMMEND THAT THE STATURE OF LIBERTY ON THE EAST COAST BE SUPPLEMENTED BY A STATUE OF RESPONSIBILITY ON THE WEST COAST” (132). I love this statement!
21. “Human potential at its best always allows for 1) turning suffering into human achievement and accomplishment, 2) deriving from guilt the opportunity to change oneself for the better, and 3) deriving from life’s transitoriness an incentive to take responsibility for action.” (138). I want to explore this position in greater detail to see if it is fundamental to Restorative Justice.
