We meet every Monday, and the topics vary; however, a few issues rise above the rest.
One of those issues is Judgments, particularly as it relates to our family and friends trying to reconcile our choices and actions.
This article was written with the group in mind, however it’s lessons apply to everyone.
The author Cheri Huber stated the following in her wonderful book, “There Is Nothing Wrong With You,”
“When you judge someone else it’s simply self-hate projected outward.”
When I look at my own judgments of others, she’s right.
However, there is another component of negative judgments I’d like to add to this and explore.
I believe we judge people/circumstances/situations negatively when we don’t understand them. When the person/circumstance/situation doesn’t fit into one of the many boxes we have in our minds.
We, as humans, love to put things in boxes. We love to label things.
We do this because if something doesn’t fit into a box, then it’s unknown. And anything unknown, according to the oldest parts of our brains, is scary.
Anything scary is a direct threat to our survival, and our brain’s primary function is to keep us alive.
So we have to label it, and because it’s scary, it’s inherently “bad.”
Hence, negative judgments.
Now, all of a sudden, this scary, bad, unknown thing has a label, it’s no longer unknown, and we’ve taken a step towards keeping ourselves alive.
We have the illusion of control.
Why do I say illusion? Because we don’t really have control over anything, only our response to any given situation.
We, as members of the white-collar justice impacted community, are in the minority.
I read this online; please fact check me if I’m wrong,
“White-collar crime makes up just over 3% of overall federal prosecutions yearly.”
Three percent is not a lot. It’s barely a blip on the radar. And this is important because it ties to what I’ve been discussing.
To our family and friends, what we’ve done, and what we are currently experiencing or have experienced is unknown.
It’s scary.
I think we’d all like to believe we have the capacity for compassion, and for the most part, we do.
However, compassion becomes a challenge when we face something we don’t understand, and we feel fear (even if it’s fear for the person we love).
Fear clouds our thinking.
It becomes easier to seek control in the form of negative judgments so we can feel better about a situation.
Now, obviously, I can’t speak for every person on the planet, but I know I’m guilty of this.
And I bet if you’re honest with yourself about negative judgments you’ve made in the past, you’ll find you’ve done it as well.
Equipped with this awareness, we can change our perceptions of those who judge us negatively.
We can see that they are either:
Experiencing an inner turmoil that’s eating them up inside, and they need to project that self-hate elsewhere.
Or
They’re afraid.
Even equipped with this perspective, it will most likely sting when someone judges us; we’re human beings having a human experience, after all.
But, if we’re able to bring awareness into the situation and understand where their negative judgments are coming from, we can do something that sounds counterintuitive to every reaction we want to have:
We can feel compassion and empathy for them. Because they either hate something about themselves or they’re scared.
This may sound ludicrous,
“Someone calls me a “fraudster,” a “crook,” a “liar” and I’m going to feel empathy towards them?”
I’d argue yes, and here’s why:
Viktor Frankl said it best,
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Here is something essential to note:
We have the right to be angry at negative judgments; we have the right to be hurt.
As long as we are choosing these responses and not reacting with these responses. And, when the moment passes, we make a critical choice:
Will we choose to stay angry and hurt? Or will we choose compassion and empathy?
When we choose compassion and empathy, we seize something that may seem foreign for many of us:
Agency
The moment we have agency in our lives, we change the narrative, we open a new chapter.
When we live with agency, we give ourselves one of the greatest gifts we can wish for in our situation:
The ability to reinvent our lives into whatever we are meant to do.
Congratulations to our friend Craig Stanland on the publishing of his first book, “Blank Canvas: How I Reinvented My Life After Prison“! Craig is a powerful example of how to come back from the depths of professional and personal destruction and despair, survive and evolve in prison, and become a better, more fulfilled person living the life God intends for him. These lessons are universal – I’ve read a review copy of Craig’s book and I highly recommend it for anyone navigating life’s difficulties. I guess that means everybody! Five stars! – Jeff
“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we
cannot change, the courage to change the things we
can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
— REINHOLD NIEBUHR
I spend half of my time wishing I wasn’t in prison,
the other half wishing I had made a different choice. I fantasize about going back in time to the day I discovered the loophole I exploited. I see myself at the dining room table, staring at my laptop. A black-and-white composition notebook to my right, the pages filled with notes, yellow Post-its stuck everywhere. I look like John Nash in A Beautiful Mind.
The puzzle pieces were coming together. I had discovered a treasure map that only I knew about. I feel the excitement I felt, the pure rush of it all. My performance at work was not what it used to be; my paychecks were shrinking. My need to buy more things, to fill the hole inside, was growing. This was a lousy equation but I had solved it.
I wish I could travel back to that moment, to speak louder than the rush and say, “Stop. Don’t do this. You have everything you need. This is not the way.”
I would have made a different choice. The first domino would have never fallen, the criminal complaint never filed, the investigation never initiated. The FBI wouldn’t have aimed fifteen guns at Kyla. I wouldn’t have hurt the people I love. I wouldn’t have to strip naked, lift my balls, spread my cheeks, and cough.
I’d be free. The short film of my suicide would have never been produced.
The voice was there and I knew it. I chose to ignore it. In those moments of clarity, when I calculated the damage done, my heart tightened. I felt like I was always on the verge of a heart attack. I tried to erase the pain with lies, and it usually worked — at least for a little bit.
I wish I had listened to that voice. But I didn’t. Now I’m sitting in a prison library trying to start over. I will never have the freedom to paint whatever I want if I continue to fight what can’t be changed. I must do what I am afraid to do.
I have to practice acceptance.
I don’t want to. It feels like giving up, passive. Fighting equals progress. But does it? What am I fighting against? As much as I wish it existed, there’s no such thing as a DeLorean time machine.
I’ve locked myself in a past that can’t be changed, in an existence that fills me with shame and regret. Fighting isn’t progress; it’s running away from the truth.
I was wrong: Acceptance isn’t giving up, and it isn’t passive.
It is an act of courage to say,
“I accept that I betrayed myself and chose to commit a crime.” I hit the Enter button, the single keystroke that started it all. “I accept I made the choice to continue in the face of the universe screaming at me to stop. I accept that I’m in prison. I accept that I hurt the woman I love, my family, my friends. My finances are in ruin; I’m getting divorced. I’ll have a criminal record until I die. I accept that I don’t trust myself. I accept that I’m scared.”
Holy crap, that felt good. I don’t feel as trapped. I feel something extraordinary. I’m in prison but I just gave myself freedom. No one else, nothing external, I did this.
A thought pops into my head: This is my life now. What am I going to do with what is left of it?
This episode is a must-listen if you, a friend, family member, colleague or client are going through criminal justice issues, or any life altering situation. Our discussion centered on identifying with and comparing the experiences of the white collar justice community to Bobby’s family of Sikh heritage. Bobby’s family migrated to England and found themselves strangers in a strange land, refugees living in liminalty between their old world and the new, between traditional and contemporary values, navigating prejudice and distrust.
Similarly, people prosecuted for white collar crimes and their families often find themselves stigmatized by their former friends and families, and the business community – people without a country, mourning the past and afraid of the future, struggling to find acceptance of the reality of their new and very difficult situations. It’s the isolation that destroys us. The solution is in community. Link to podcast on Bobby Jagdev’s website: go.bobbyjagdev.com/ep17.– Jeff
Meet Rev. Jeff Grant. Once a drifter. Now a traveler.
One who through suffering, pain and wreckage discovered a community. Hiding in the shadows. Under the abject shame of rejection. A community providing acceptance and belonging to fellow travelers.
Rev. Jeff is an ordained minister serving the white-collar justice community. His position holds a special reverence. His divinity – granted by the seminary – and protected by the state. Enables him to provide confidential counsel to those in need of crisis support. A crucial nexus for travellers that have just entered a liminal state.
Jeff’s own story is a rise, fall and rebirth of biblical proportions.
Once a big-time real-estate lawyer. Owner of his own firm and a restaurateur. His meritocratic rise was buckled by an addiction to prescription opioids.
An addiction that prompted poor judgement. As his firms’ cash-flow faltered and personal debts mounted. Ethical boundaries became blurred. Disbarred for re-appropriating client funds. And eventually jailed for fraudulently claiming 9/11 disaster relief funding.
The richness of his big-baller lifestyle soon disappeared. And through the ashes of devastation, a richness of spirit emerged…
I met Jeff through a mutual friend and old friend of the podcast; Craig Stanland. Craig was in fact one of the first travellers to have sought Jeff’s counsel.
This is a conversation that drifts between two disparate liminal communities. The white-collar justice community and subjects of a diaspora.
You may wonder, how do you draw a commonality between these two very distinct groups? The root cause of shifting liminal states is largely incomparable. However, acceptance, belonging and accountability are all very relatable.
Whilst Jeff share’s his experiences within the white-collar justice community. I share my experiences of being a child of the Empire. And how our coerced liminal experiences impacted us, shaped our value systems and carved out routes of accountability.
This conversation took place on Easter Monday. Receiving blessings from an ordained Christian minister – regardless of my religious affiliation – was a real gift.
Jeff is warmly spoken. His charisma is alluring. And his presences creates a safe space to express our inner spirit. That is Jeff’s gift.
A gift he doesn’t exercise through preaching. But by shepherding those seeking his counsel with the empowerment to realize this gift for themselves.
A few weeks following the recording of this episode. The Supreme Court of the State New York reinstated Jeff’s license to practice law. Travelers seeking his counsel are now able to be served in greater ways.
Blessed to welcome the first master of divinity and now practicing attorney as a new friend of the podcast. – Bobby Jagdev
Reinvention doesn’t happen overnight. But if you want to learn where to start, meet Craig Stanland and Jeff Grant, powerhouses of new beginnings:
📖 Craig Stanland served 2 years in prison, and upon release, was 100% dedicated to transforming himself (and helping others do the same) – now a coach and bestselling author, he specializes in working with people whose lives have fallen apart, helping them reinvent themselves.
⚖️ After serving 14 months in prison, Rev. Jeff Grant became the co-founder of Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc., as well as a private general counsel serving families, the white collar justice community, pro bono clients and more. He’s helped hundreds of men and women find new beginnings post-incarceration.
Raw, real and uncut – join us on Tha Yard this week for another episode of epic conversations, untold stories and good times. Join us: Thursday, 6/17 5pm PST/8pm EST
Congratulations to our friend Craig Stanland on the publishing of his first book, “Blank Canvas: How I Reinvented My Life After Prison“! Craig is a powerful example of how to come back from the depths of professional and personal destruction and despair, survive and evolve in prison, and become a better, more fulfilled person living the life God intends for him. These lessons are universal – I’ve read a review copy of Craig’s book and I highly recommend it for anyone navigating life’s difficulties. I guess that means everybody! Five stars! – Jeff
Craig is a member of our online White Collar Support Group that meets on Zoom on Monday evenings. He has been a guest on our White Collar Week podcast, links to YouTube (video) and podcast below.
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From Craig:
On September 30th, 2013, I had what many would call,
“It all.”
A successful career, multiple homes, nice cars, nice watches, I ate at the finest restaurants in Greenwich and Manhattan. I was married to an amazing and beautiful woman.
On October 1st, 2013, I lost it all.
Even though I had “it all,” I never thought I did, and what I did have, I didn’t feel worthy of.
I didn’t feel worthy of my success; I didn’t feel worthy of my beautiful wife.
I was chasing anything and everything outside of myself to feel whole. To feel complete. To be someone people would respect, like, and love.
I was desperately trying to become someone I would respect, like, and love.
Chasing, chasing, chasing.
I was on a treadmill, trying to catch the horizon.
The next purchase, the next high, the next extravagant dinner – all of them would make me feel worthy and complete.I would be someone.
Until the rush would inevitably fade, and I’d be off to the races, chasing the next thing. It was exhausting.
My self-worth and my identity were inextricably tied to the things I owned, the things I purchased, and my ability to purchase those things.
I was my BMW’s, my Panerai watches, my $300 bottle of Rioja, my Platinum Amex Card.
I had no idea what I was doing at the time. I had no idea of the absurdity of the task I was taking on. I was trying to fill a broken glass with my things and utterly blind to the fact that I never could.
The equipment I was selling was becoming more commoditized, the profit margins were shrinking, and so were my paychecks.
My job performance was also dwindling; I was too consumed with chasing.
My dwindling checks and performance were a direct threat to my very identity and sense of worth. I had to do something.
I could have been honest with myself and my wife. I could have told the truth that I couldn’t maintain our lifestyle.
I didn’t. I was too afraid; I was too scared to be seen as “less than.” I couldn’t find the courage to shed the facade I created.
I had to do something else to maintain this house of cards.
I discovered an opportunity to exploit our partner companies warranty policy for my financial gain. This would solve the problem; this would make everything ok.
For just under a year, I committed fraud against one of the largest technology companies in the world.
I committed this fraud in the face of my heart telling begging me not to.
With each click of the mouse, each time hit the enter button to perpetuate the fraud, my heart spoke,
“Don’t do this.”
“This is not the way.”
“You know this isn’t right.”
And I ignored it every time.
It came to a screeching halt on October 1st, 2013, when the FBI caught up with me.
I was arrested and charged with one count of mail fraud.
This was the first day on my long descent to rock bottom.
I pleaded guilty and was sentenced to two years of federal prison.
I was consumed with shame. I destroyed for my life; I ruined my wife’s life.
I hated the man I had become; I hated the choices I made. I hated the crystal clear clarity that I did this.
That I was wrong. That I was responsible. That I could have avoided all this suffering if only I had been honest.
I had to make the pain stop; I begged the hand of death to kill me in my sleep, suicide became a viable option.
This was my rock bottom.
I was lucky; my best friend of over thirty years visited me in prison. It was from here that my life turned around.
This was the day I started to rebuild.
If you had told me that eight years later, I would experience one of the most emotional, transformational, joyful, transcendent experiences of my life resulting from that pain, I would have thought you were insane.
But that’s precisely what happened.
On May 13th, 2021, I carried three heavy cardboard boxes up four flights of stairs into my apartment in Brooklyn.
I carefully opened the boxes with a razor knife, removed the packing paper and saw, and held, for the first time, my experience in its physical manifestation.
I took all of that pain, all of the shame, all of the embarrassment, all of the guilt, all of the fear, and I alchemized it into a book.
“Blank Canvas, How I Reinvented My Life After Prison”
I wrote it because I had to.
I know that sharing my experience at rock bottom will help someone with theirs. They will see that they are not alone.
This book took over six years to write, spread across eight drafts and approximately one million words. I had to write those one million words to get to the fifty-two thousand in the book that capture the truth of my experience.
It’s the truth that will help someone who feels right now how I once felt.
Writing is a solitary practice. It’s me and the words.
But the emotions and the experiences I capture, that’s not only me.
That’s my family, friends, and the Progressive Prison Ministries. They guided me and supported me on my rapid descent to rock bottom and the slow journey out.
To know that you’re not alone when you feel most alone is one of the most powerful realizations we can have.
This is what our family and friends do; this is what a community does- they inform us that we are not alone.
Sometimes that’s all we need.
The Progressive Prison Ministries is that community.
After hitting rock bottom, Craig Stanland was forced to make a choice: give up or rebuild. He thought he had “it all” until he lost sight of what’s truly important and made the worst decision of his life, losing everything along the way, including his own self-worth. Through the painful, terrifying process of starting over, Craig ultimately discovered that when you have nothing, anything is possible.
Today, Craig is an author, speaker, and Reinvention Architect. He specializes in working with people whose lives have fallen apart, helping them reinvent themselves by showing them how to rebuild their self-worth and create the extraordinary lives they’ve always wanted.
Best of White Collar Week with Jeff Grant: From Sept. 2020
Podcast Ep. 11: Blank Canvas, with Guest: Craig Stanland
Today on the podcast, we have Craig Stanland. Not only does Craig have a great TED Talk out there, and a new book, Blank Canvas,to be published next year, but he is one of my very first ministees. It’s hard to believe that he first contacted me in 2013 after he was charged with fraud. He’s been a good friend and colleague ever since, and is a regular member of our online White Collar Support Group that meets on Monday evenings.
Craig actually led the discussion on the very first episode of White Collar Week, where we had sixteen of our support group members tell their stories. You can find the link to that episode here.
So, coming up. Craig Stanland. On White Collar Week. I hope you will join us. – Jeff
Craig Stanland is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.
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I was arrested by the FBI on October 1st, 2013.
I remember being handcuffed in the back of an FBI cruiser as we drove north on Route 95:
The agent behind the wheel is texting and making calls as he weaves in and out of late morning traffic. He’s speaking to someone who is wherever we are going, preparing them for our arrival. I don’t know where we’re going or what happens next. Nobody is telling me anything, and I’m afraid to ask. The agent in the backseat is creeping me out. I can’t put my finger on it. There’s an aura surrounding him, like walking into a house and getting the chills. Since I invoked my right to silence, he can’t speak about the case.
Instead, he’s talking about the best pizza places in Connecticut and how hot the women in Greenwich are. I can’t push myself any further away from him; my elbow is digging into the car door. Both of their faces light up when one of them tells me that due to the government shutdown, “Everyone there today volunteered to arrest you for no pay.” Lucky me.
I was lucky in a sense; there was no news coverage. I had been arrested, but no one would find out unless I told them.
I thought I had dodged a bullet, but I was wrong.
The government eventually opened back up, which meant the FBI press office did as well.
The news hit, and it hit hard.
The shame I was feeling was exacerbated by article after article detailing my crime. I had kept the news from all but my closest friends. I couldn’t hide it anymore; it was out of my control.
I received numerous supportive texts from friends and acquaintances. Still, there was one that stood out and that I am forever grateful for.
My neighbor and friend Wayne read the news in the local Greenwich newspaper. His message was kind and supportive, and he hoped that he was “not crossing any lines,” but he has a friend who might be able to help me.
He forwarded me some information on Jeff Grant. I remember standing in my living room with my now ex-wife when I read what Wayne had sent me.
Jeff spoke as if he was living inside of my body at that exact moment. He spoke of shame and isolation; he spoke of uncertainty and fear. His words took the air from my lungs.
I sat down, put my head in my hands, and wept. I wept because the words were so raw and personal, and I wept because they were exactly how I was feeling – but I didn’t know how to express it myself.
It’s hard for me to describe the level of uncertainty and pure fear I felt during that time.
The closest I can get is this:
The sound of handcuffs snapping shut is one of the most visceral sounds in the world. Every click of the metal teeth reverberated through my ears and wrapped themselves around my heart. Each click crushing any hope I foolishly held onto. The cold steel weighing heavy on my wrists, the pure helplessness and vulnerability of my arms pinned behind my back.
This was the moment the ground beneath my feet disappeared.
Weightlessness and emptiness consumed me as I fell into an abyss. The abyss was as black as any black I have ever experienced.
My life was an absence of light, enveloped in fear.
Falling. Falling. Falling. Into the unknown, with no end in sight.
My life was no longer my life. It belonged to the government.
My fate rested in the hands of the FBI, the Prosecutors, and the Judge.
Every single thing I did was shrouded by the dark cloud of uncertainty.
Jeff helped me navigate this uncertainty. Jeff gave me something tangible I could grasp. I had a sliver of light in a sea of darkness.
This was seven years ago.
Today I have a successful coaching business, a soon-to-be-published memoir, “Blank Canvas, How I Reinvented My Life After Prison,” and a TEDx titled “How I Learned My Greatest Worth in Federal Prison.”
Jeff and the Progressive Prison Ministries were and are an integral part of my journey from rock-bottom to where I am today.
The support of the group pre-prison, in prison, and post-prison has been immeasurable.
How do you measure a sense of peace and belonging? A sense of community and understanding? How does one measure the unraveling of shame?
I suppose in gratitude.
I will be forever grateful to Jeff and the Progressive Prison Ministries.
Congratulations on reaching the 250th meeting. What an incredible milestone, one that I’m honored to be a part of.
Link here to White Collar Week Podcast Ep. 11: Blank Canvas, with Guest: Craig Stanland
White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud,link here.
Congratulations to our friend and colleague, Jacqueline Polverari, on her new podcast Criminal Justice Cafe. In this episode, Jacquie interviews our friend and colleague, Craig Stanland, Author of the upcoming book, Blank Canvas: How I Reinvented My Life After Prison.
Both Jacquie and Craig are members of ourWhite Collar Support Groupthat meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings.
Criminal Justice Cafe: Transparent conversations about controversial subjects within the Criminal Justice System… from the inside out.
Watch on YouTube:
Craig Stanland:
After hitting rock bottom, Craig Stanland was forced to make a choice: give up or rebuild. He thought he had “it all” until he lost sight of what’s truly important and made the worst decision of his life, losing everything along the way, including his own self-worth. Through the painful, terrifying process of starting over, Craig ultimately discovered that when you have nothing, anything is possible.
Today, Craig is an author, speaker, and Reinvention Architect. He specializes in working with people whose lives have fallen apart, helping them reinvent themselves by showing them how to rebuild their self-worth and create the extraordinary lives they’ve always wanted.
Jacqueline Polverari, MBA, MSW is the founder and Executive Director of Evolution Reentry Services, focusing on the needs of women who have been impacted by the Criminal Justice System.
Jacqueline has over 25 years’ experience as a professional with proven successes in business leadership, mentoring and therapeutic environments. Her experience working with trauma culminated after spending almost a year in Danbury Federal Prison Camp for Women and observing the trauma women experience related to being incarcerated. She has since dedicated herself to Criminal Justice Reform and Reentry services with a special focus on trauma and reentry services for women relating to incarceration. Jacqueline is an active member of the National Association of Social Workers, JustLeadershipUSA and #Cut50 and speaks at conferences and symposiums throughout the country. She most recently designed and hosted the first retreat for women convicted of a white-collar crime in the country in October 2019. Jacqueline is working diligently to continue her education and has returned to school to obtain her Doctoral Degree in Social Work with a concentration in Criminal Justice.
It’s the Isolation that Destroys Us. The Solution is in Community.
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Podcast Ep. 11: The Blank Canvas with Guest Craig Stanland
Today on the podcast, we have Craig Stanland. Not only does Craig have a great TedTalk out there, and a new book to be published next year, but he is one of my very first ministees. It’s hard to believe that he first contacted me in 2013 after he was charged with fraud. He’s been a good friend and colleague ever since, and is a regular member of our online White Collar Support Group that meets on Monday evenings.
Craig actually led the discussion on the very first episode of White Collar Week, where we had sixteen of our support group members tell their stories. You can find the link to that episode here.
So, coming up. Craig Stanland. On White Collar Week. I hope you will join us. – Jeff
If you have a friend, family member, colleague or client with a white collar justice issue, please forward this email; they can reach us anytime – day or night! Our contact info: http://prisonist.org/contact-us.
______________________________
Guests on this Episode:
Craig Stanland: I’m a Coach, a Reinvention Architect, the author of the soon to be published memoir, The Blank Canvas, and a highly sought after public speaker with a TEDx Talk titled, “How I Learned My Greatest Worth in Federal Prison.” My mission is to help people whose lives have fallen apart, people who want to start over, rebuild, and reinvent themselves so they can have the extraordinary life they’ve always wanted.
You can find all episodes of our podcast “White Collar Week with Jeff Grant” on our website prisonist.org, our Facebook page, Podbean, YouTube (video), SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, LinkedIn, Instagram and Twitter.
Some very kind words from my dear friends Louis L. Reed and Babz Rawls Ivy in this brief PSA. Thank you Louis and Babz! – Jeff
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All Episodes:
Link here to Podcast Ep. 20: Glenn E. Martin & Richard Bronson: Reinventing Yourself After Prison
Link here to Podcast Ep. 19: Insider Trading Charges Dismissed, with Guest Richard Lee
Link here to Podcast Ep. 18: Is Your Life a Movie? The Producers, with Guests: Lydia B. Smith, Bethany Jones & Will Nix
Link here to Podcast Ep. 17: #TruthHeals: Systemic Abuse & Institutional Reform with Vanessa Osage, feat. Guest Co-Host Chloe Coppola
Link here to Podcast Ep. 16: Politicians, Prison & Penitence, with Guest: Bridgeport, CT Mayor Joseph Ganim
Link here to Podcast Ep. 15: A Brave Talk About Suicide, with Guests Bob Flanagan, Elizabeth Kelley, & Meredith Atwood
Link here to Podcast Ep. 14: Recovery & Neighborhood, with Guest: TNP’s Tom Scott
Link here to Podcast Ep. 13: Everything but Bridgegate, with Guest: Bill Baroni
Link here to Podcast Ep. 12: The Truth Tellers, with Guests: Holli Coulman & Larry Levine
Link here to Podcast Ep. 11: The Blank Canvas, with Guest: Craig Stanland
Link here to Podcast Ep. 10: The Ministers, with Guests: Father Joe Ciccone & Father Rix Thorsell
Link here to Podcast Ep. 09: Small Business Edition, with Guest: Taxgirl Kelly Phillips Erb
Link here to Podcast Ep. 08: The Academics, with Guests: Cathryn Lavery, Jessica Henry, Jay Kennedy & Erin Harbinson
Link here to Podcast Ep. 07: White Collar Wives. with Guests: Lynn Springer, Cassie Monaco & Julie Bennett. Special Guest: Skylar Cluett
Link here to Podcast Ep. 06: Madoff Talks, with Guest: Jim Campbell
Link here to Podcast Ep. 05: Trauma and Healing when Mom goes to Prison, with Guests: Jacqueline Polverari and Her Daughters, Alexa & Maria
Link here to Podcast Ep. 04: One-on-One with Tipper X: Tom Hardin
Link here to Podcast Ep. 03: Compassionate Lawyering: Guests, Chris Poulos, Corey Brinson, Bob Herbst & George Hritz
Link here to Podcast Ep. 02: Substance Abuse & Recovery During COVID-19: Guests, Trevor Shevin & Joshua Cagney
Link here to Podcast Ep. 01: Prison & Reentry in the Age of COVID-19: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group.
Link here to Podcast Ep. 00: White Collar Week with Jeff Grant: What is White Collar Week?
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What is the White Collar Justice Community?
Welcome to White Collar Week with Jeff Grant, a podcast serving the white collar justice community. It’s the isolation that destroys us. The solution is in community.
If you are interested in this podcast, then you are probably already a member of the white collar justice community – even if you don’t quite know it yet. Our community is certainly made up of people being prosecuted, or who have already been prosecuted, for white collar crimes. But it is also made up of the spouses, children and families of those prosecuted for white collar crimes – these are the first victims of white collar crime. And the community also consists of the other victims, both direct and indirect, and those in the wider white collar ecosystem like friends, colleagues, prosecutors, defense attorneys, judges, law enforcement, academics, researchers. Investigators, mitigation experts, corrections officers, reentry professionals, mental health care professionals, drug and alcohol counselors, – and ministers, chaplains and advocates for criminal and social justice reform. The list goes on and on…
In this very eventful summer 2020, our mission is to introduce you to other members of the white collar justice community, to hear their very personal stories, and hopefully gain a broader perspective of what this is really all about. Maybe this will inspire some deeper thoughts and introspection? Maybe it will inspire some empathy and compassion for people you might otherwise resent or dismiss? And maybe it will help lift us all out of our own isolation and into community, so we can learn to live again in the sunshine of the spirit.
Along the way, I’ll share with you some of the things I’ve learned in my own journey from successful lawyer, to prescription opioid addict, white collar crime, suicide attempt, disbarment, destruction of my marriage, and the almost 14 months I served in a Federal prison. And also my recovery, love story I share with my wife Lynn Springer, after prison earning a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary in NYC, pastoring in an inner city church in Bridgeport CT, and then co-founding with Lynn in Greenwich CT, Progressive Prison Ministries, the world’s first ministry serving the white collar justice community. It’s been quite a ride, but I firmly believe that the best is yet to come.
So I invite you to come along with me as we experience something new, and bold, and different this summer – a podcast that serves the entire white collar justice community. I hope you will join me.
It’s the Isolation that Destroys Us. The Solution is in Community.
Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc. is the world’s first ministry supporting the white collar justice community. Founded by husband and wife, Jeff Grantand Lynn Springer in Greenwich CT in 2012, we incorporated as a nonprofit in Connecticut in 2014, and received 501(c)(3) status in 2015. Jeff has over three decades of experience in crisis management, business, law (former), reentry, recovery (clean & sober 17+ years), and executive and religious leadership. As Jeff was incarcerated for a white-collar crime he committed in 2001, he and Lynn have a first-hand perspective on the trials and tribulations that white-collar families have to endure as they navigate the criminal justice system and life beyond.
Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc. is nonsectarian, serving those of all faiths, or no faith whatsoever. To date we have helped over three hundred fifty (350) individuals, and their families, to accept responsibility for their actions and to acknowledge the pain they have caused to others. In accordance with our commitment to restorative justice, we counsel our members to make amends as a first step in changing their lives and moving towards a new spiritual way of living centered on hope, care, compassion, tolerance, empathy and service to others. Our team has grown to over ten people, most with advanced degrees, all of whom are currently volunteering their time and resources.
Progressive Prison Ministries’ goal is to provide spiritual solutions and emotional support to those who are feeling alone, isolated, and hopeless. We have found that these individuals are suffering from a void but are stuck, and don’t know what to do about it. Our objective is to help them find a path to a healthy, spirit-filled place on the other side of what may seem like insurmountable problems. Many of those we counsel are in a place where their previous lives have come to an end due to their transgressions. In many cases their legal problems have led to divorce, estrangement from their children, families, friends and support communities, and loss of a career. The toll this takes on individuals and families is emotionally devastating. White-collar crimes are often precipitated by other issues in the offenders’ lives such as alcohol or drug abuse, and/or a physical or mental illness that lead to financial issues that overwhelms their ability to be present for themselves and their families and cause poor decision making. We recognize that life often presents us with such circumstances, sometimes which lead us to make mistakes in violation of the law.
All conversations and communications between our ordained ministry, and licensed clinical relationships, and those we serve fall under state privilege laws. This is one reason that attorneys often allow and encourage their clients to maintain relationships with us while in active prosecution or litigation situations.
If you, a friend, family member, colleague or client are suffering from a white collar criminal justice issue or are experiencing some other traumatic or life-altering event, and would like to find a path to a healthy, spirit-filled place on the other side of what seems like insurmountable problems, please contact us to schedule an initial call or appointment.
Copyright 2020, All Rights Reserved, Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc.
It’s the Isolation that Destroys Us. The Solution is in Community.
_______________________
Podcast Ep. 01: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group
This is a very special podcast – we have on 16 members of our White Collar Support Group that meets on Zoom on Monday nights, 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. We have held over 200 weekly meetings and they get better each week as we come out of isolation and into a supportive community that truly cares about one another. We have welcomed over 200 support group members along the way!
But the support group meeting on this podcast is a little different than most, because everyone appearing has agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. We’ve never done anything like this before as a group, but we feel the cause is so important that it was worth the risk.
I know you will learn to love and respect every member you see or hear on this podcast as much as I do. – Jeff
Jacqueline Polverari, MBA, MSW was a Social Worker for over 10 years and a partner in a large Title Company for over 15 years. As an entrepreneur, Jacqueline had reached new limits of her career as an experienced professional with proven success in business and mentoring environments when a series of poor choices led her to a federal indictment and a sentence of almost a year in Danbury Federal Prison Camp for Women. After her release, Jacqueline entered a new phase of her life researching in depth about Mental Health, Crime and Criminal Justice while correlating it to reentry services. This clearly grew into her passion after she had faced the many challenges of reentry. It is clear to her that there is a lack of resources for reentry and there is a need for change. She is working and advocating to be part of a change to come by dedicating herself to help fix this broken criminal justice system. Jacqueline is currently an integral part in helping women prepare for entry and reentry of the Federal Prison System both psychologically and spiritually through mental health services and education of the system. She has founded Evolution Family Reentry Services and is currently building resources by establishing nurturing partnerships with professionals in the mental health fields as well as employers and career placement agencies to help women and their families who face career barriers as they re-enter into society. You can reach Jacqueline at:http://www.evolutionreentry.com/.
Jeffrey Abramowitz, J.D. is the Executive Director of Reentry Services for JEVS Human Services and Program Director of Looking Forward Philadelphia. Jeff was a 2018 Fellow for Justleadership USA, and has most recently served as the Director of Student Services & Workforce Development for Community Learning Center. Jeff was a trial lawyer in Philadelphia before poor choices in life and his professional career resulted in acceptance of responsibility and a five-year sentence in the federal prison system. Entering the criminal justice system allowed Jeff the opportunity to see the world with a new pair of glasses and find his passion for education and workforce development. In the short 4.5 years since Jeff has been home he has worked with over 4,000 individuals, spoken and lectured across the country to educators, administrators, communities, and those touched by our criminal justice system. Jeff proudly sits on the Executive Board of the Coalition on Basic Adult Education, COABE, where he serves as the chair of the Literacy Behind and Beyond the Walls Committee, was appointed to the Pennsylvania Reentry Council and serves as Chairman of the Employment Committee and Co-chairs the Reentry Committee for the PA Workforce Development Board. Jeff is active in the Philadelphia Reentry Coalition. Jeff serves on the board of directors of Community Forgiveness & Restoration, a member of NationSwell Council, and Advisory Board Member of Philadelphia Petey Greene Program. Jeff is presently a LINCS Reviewer, Literacy Information & Communication System, Resource Collection, for the Department of Education, and serves on the National Association of State Directors of Education, Barbara Bush Foundation Criminal Justice Work Group. Jeff is the producer and host of the award-winning weekly radio show “Looking Forward” on Philly Cam Radio WPPM 106.5FM. Jeffrey is a writer, keynote speaker and lecturer around the country on issues of adult education, workforce development and criminal justice. Jeff can be reached at:[email protected].
Joseph Grmovsek is the subject of the educational-documentary film Collared and is the first and still ONLY person in Canadian history to serve a Federal sentence of imprisonment for insider trading. He is currently the Program Director for Restorative Justice Housing Ontario, a charity that finds safe homes for elderly ex-prisoners, as well as a public speaker on issues of restorative justice and white-collar crime prevention. He can be contacted through his website CollaredConsulting.com.
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You can find all episodes of our podcast “White Collar Week with Jeff Grant” on our website prisonist.org, our Facebook page, Podbean, YouTube (video), SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, LinkedIn, Instagram and Twitter.
Link here to Podcast Ep. 29, Guests: The Entrepreneurs, David Israel & Spencer Oberg
Link here to Podcast Ep. 28, Guests: The Investigators, Kelly Paxton & Brian Willingham
Link here to Podcast Ep. 27, The Addicted Lawyer, Guest: Brian Cuban
Link here to Podcast Ep. 26, Oppression & Identity, Guests: Jaco & Leslie Theron
Link here to Podcast Ep. 25, Ex-Philadelphia D.A., Seth Williams, Part Two
Link here to Podcast Ep. 24, Ex-Philadelphia D.A., Seth Williams, Part One
Link here to Podcast Ep. 23, The Vanishing Trial, Robert Katzberg
Link here to Podcast Ep. 22: The Goddess, with Guest: Babz Rawls Ivy
Link here to Podcast Ep. 21: All Things SBA, PPP & EIDL, with Guest: Hannah Smolinski, CPA, Virtual CFO
Link here to Podcast Ep. 20: Glenn E. Martin & Richard Bronson: Reinventing Yourself After Prison
Link here to Podcast Ep. 19: Insider Trading Charges Dismissed, with Guest Richard Lee
Link here to Podcast Ep. 18: Is Your Life a Movie? The Producers, with Guests: Lydia B. Smith, Bethany Jones & Will Nix
Link here to Podcast Ep. 17: #TruthHeals: Systemic Abuse & Institutional Reform with Vanessa Osage, feat. Guest Co-Host Chloe Coppola
Link here to Podcast Ep. 16: Politicians, Prison & Penitence, with Guest: Bridgeport, CT Mayor Joseph Ganim
Link here to Podcast Ep. 15: A Brave Talk About Suicide, with Guests Bob Flanagan, Elizabeth Kelley, & Meredith Atwood
Link here to Podcast Ep. 14: Recovery & Neighborhood, with Guest: TNP’s Tom Scott
Link here to Podcast Ep. 13: Everything but Bridgegate, with Guest: Bill Baroni
Link here to Podcast Ep. 12: The Truth Tellers, with Guests: Holli Coulman & Larry Levine
Link here to Podcast Ep. 11: The Blank Canvas, with Guest: Craig Stanland
Link here to Podcast Ep. 10: The Ministers, with Guests: Father Joe Ciccone & Father Rix Thorsell
Link here to Podcast Ep. 09: Small Business Edition, with Guest: Taxgirl Kelly Phillips Erb
Link here to Podcast Ep. 08: The Academics, with Guests: Cathryn Lavery, Jessica Henry, Jay Kennedy & Erin Harbinson
Link here to Podcast Ep. 07: White Collar Wives. with Guests: Lynn Springer, Cassie Monaco & Julie Bennett. Special Guest: Skylar Cluett
Link here to Podcast Ep. 06: Madoff Talks, with Guest: Jim Campbell
Link here to Podcast Ep. 05: Trauma and Healing when Mom goes to Prison, with Guests: Jacqueline Polverari and Her Daughters, Alexa & Maria
Link here to Podcast Ep. 04: One-on-One with Tipper X: Tom Hardin
Link here to Podcast Ep. 03: Compassionate Lawyering: Guests, Chris Poulos, Corey Brinson, Bob Herbst & George Hritz
Link here to Podcast Ep. 02: Substance Abuse & Recovery During COVID-19: Guests, Trevor Shevin & Joshua Cagney
Link here to Podcast Ep. 01: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group: 16 of Our Support Group Members Tell Their Stories
Link here to Podcast Ep. 00: White Collar Week with Jeff Grant: What is White Collar Week?
_________________________
What is the White Collar Justice Community?
Welcome to White Collar Week with Jeff Grant, a podcast serving the white collar justice community. It’s the isolation that destroys us. The solution is in community.
If you are interested in this podcast, then you are probably already a member of the white collar justice community – even if you don’t quite know it yet. Our community is certainly made up of people being prosecuted, or who have already been prosecuted, for white collar crimes. But it is also made up of the spouses, children and families of those prosecuted for white collar crimes – these are the first victims of white collar crime. And the community also consists of the other victims, both direct and indirect, and those in the wider white collar ecosystem like friends, colleagues, prosecutors, defense attorneys, judges, law enforcement, academics, researchers. Investigators, mitigation experts, corrections officers, reentry professionals, mental health care professionals, drug and alcohol counselors, – and ministers, chaplains and advocates for criminal and social justice reform. The list goes on and on…
Our mission is to introduce you to other members of the white collar justice community, to hear their very personal stories, and hopefully gain a broader perspective of what this is really all about. Maybe this will inspire some deeper thoughts and introspection? Maybe it will inspire some empathy and compassion for people you might otherwise resent or dismiss? And maybe it will help lift us all out of our own isolation and into community, so we can learn to live again in the sunshine of the spirit.
Along the way, I’ll share with you some of the things I’ve learned in my own journey from successful lawyer, to prescription opioid addict, white collar crime, suicide attempt, disbarment, destruction of my marriage, and the almost 14 months I served in a Federal prison. And also my recovery, love story I share with my wife Lynn Springer, after prison earning a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary in NYC, pastoring in an inner city church in Bridgeport CT, and then co-founding with Lynn in Greenwich CT, Progressive Prison Ministries, the world’s first ministry serving the white collar justice community. It’s been quite a ride, but I firmly believe that the best is yet to come.
So I invite you to come along with me as we experience something new, and bold, and different – a podcast that serves the entire white collar justice community. I hope you will join me.
It’s the Isolation that Destroys Us. The Solution is in Community.
Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc. is the world’s first ministry supporting the white collar justice community. Founded by husband and wife, Jeff Grantand Lynn Springer in Greenwich CT in 2012, we incorporated as a nonprofit in Connecticut in 2014, and received 501(c)(3) status in 2015. Jeff has over three decades of experience in crisis management, business, law (former), reentry, recovery (clean & sober 17+ years), and executive and religious leadership. As Jeff was incarcerated for a white-collar crime he committed in 2001, he and Lynn have a first-hand perspective on the trials and tribulations that white-collar families have to endure as they navigate the criminal justice system and life beyond.
Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc. is nonsectarian, serving those of all faiths, or no faith whatsoever. To date we have helped over three hundred fifty (350) individuals, and their families, to accept responsibility for their actions and to acknowledge the pain they have caused to others. In accordance with our commitment to restorative justice, we counsel our members to make amends as a first step in changing their lives and moving towards a new spiritual way of living centered on hope, care, compassion, tolerance, empathy and service to others. Our team has grown to over ten people, most with advanced degrees, all of whom are currently volunteering their time and resources.
Progressive Prison Ministries’ goal is to provide spiritual solutions and emotional support to those who are feeling alone, isolated, and hopeless. We have found that these individuals are suffering from a void but are stuck, and don’t know what to do about it. Our objective is to help them find a path to a healthy, spirit-filled place on the other side of what may seem like insurmountable problems. Many of those we counsel are in a place where their previous lives have come to an end due to their transgressions. In many cases their legal problems have led to divorce, estrangement from their children, families, friends and support communities, and loss of a career. The toll this takes on individuals and families is emotionally devastating. White-collar crimes are often precipitated by other issues in the offenders’ lives such as alcohol or drug abuse, and/or a physical or mental illness that lead to financial issues that overwhelms their ability to be present for themselves and their families and cause poor decision making. We recognize that life often presents us with such circumstances, sometimes which lead us to make mistakes in violation of the law.
All conversations and communications between our ordained ministry, and licensed clinical relationships, and those we serve fall under state privilege laws. This is one reason that attorneys often allow and encourage their clients to maintain relationships with us while in active prosecution or litigation situations.I
f you, a friend, family member, colleague or client are suffering from a white collar criminal justice issue or are experiencing some other traumatic or life-altering event, and would like to find a path to a healthy, spirit-filled place on the other side of what seems like insurmountable problems, please contact us to schedule an initial call or appointment.
Copyright 2021, All Rights Reserved, Progressive Prison Ministries, Inc.,
Craig Stanland is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings, 7:00 pm ET, 6:00 pm CT, 5:00 pm MT, 4:00 pm PT. We celebrated our 200th consecutive weekly online meeting on Monday, April 13, 2020.
___________________
October 1st, 2013
You have one unheard voicemail.
“Mr. Stanland, this is special agent McTiernan with the FBI. We are at your residence and have a warrant for your arrest. You will need to call us and come home immediately, or we will issue an APB with the Federal Marshall’s for your arrest.”
This is how my journey began.
For just under a year, I committed fraud against one of the largest technology companies in the world. I discovered a loophole in their warranty policy and exploited it for my financial gain.
Read more below…
I was already by most standard definitions, successful. I owned a few homes, beautiful cars, expensive watches. I was a VIP at some of the best restaurants in Greenwich and Manhattan.
I was married to an incredible and amazing woman.
I did not need to do what I did.
But, I was not worthy of my amazing wife. I was not worthy of my success. I was not enough, and I was empty.
Unworthiness and emptiness transformed into greed.
I knew what I was doing was wrong; the voice inside told me not to do it. It begged and pleaded, and I ignored it, burying my head in the sand.
Drinking to excess and buying everything I could get my hands on in a desperate attempt to fill that void. I was too blind to see I was trying to fill a broken glass.
I plead guilty to one count of mail fraud, received a twenty-four-month sentence, three years of supervised release, and was ordered to pay restitution.
I lost everything: my homes, my career, my cars, my watches.
I lied to my wife and told her what I was doing was “OK.”
I broke trust in our marriage, and she left me.
Who I was as a person had become so inextricably tied to my things and my ability to purchase those things that without them, I had no idea who I was.
I had no identity other than being the man who blew up his life and the life of the woman he loves.
Any sense of self-worth, which was shaky to begin to, had vanished.
I was fortunate. I was assigned to Otisville Federal Prison Camp. My safety was never a concern, and all things considered, it was actually a pretty setting.
Picnic tables surrounded by nature and wildlife. The deer would almost eat out of my hands. The goose with the broken wing did eat out of my hands. My fellow inmates were some of the most interesting people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
But the mind is a prison we cannot escape.
Shame cast its long shadow over me, and soon, I was consumed. I couldn’t break free from its suffocating grip.
Shame for the hell I know my wife is experiencing. She was working fourteen-hour back-breaking days, just to keep a roof over her head and food in the fridge.
The pain I hear in her voice when we speak, it’s raw and visceral. It’s the most authentic expression of suffering from someone who’s been hurt more than they knew it was possible to hurt.
To often we are hurt the most by the people we love the most.
Shame for the arrogance I displayed with my family and friends. Shame for not listening to the voice in my heart.
That voice is gone, I ignored it for too long, and it has abandoned me.
Shame for who I had become. Shame for being blind to what truly matters to me. Shame for understanding too late that it’s not things. It’s not money or job titles.
Sometimes the most beautiful things in life are, at their core, simple.
With every thought wrapped in shame, my monkey mind created the vision of what my suicide would look like.
I’m in a dark, dingy basement, pistol in my mouth, I pull the trigger, pieces of brain and skull plaster the wall behind me.
My mind played this image over and over on a perpetual loop for four months straight.
Every night, just after the ten o’clock count, as I rested my head on the pillow, I would pray. To anyone or anything who would listen,
“Why won’t it stop? Why won’t it stop? Please make it fucking stop……”
Begging and pleading. Each night the same prayer, and every morning the same disappointment when the light of a new day kissed my eyes.
Four months of unanswered prayers.
I smiled and pretended, everything was OK. I was afraid to share with anyone what I was feeling. Rumors were swirling around about what happens to inmates who speak of suicide. Solitary confinement, getting shipped out to a mental facility.
I bottled it up and kept it in. The tighter I closed the lid, the more the pain grew.
This was when I began planning how I would kill myself. This is the power of shame. This was my rock-bottom.
A well-timed, out of the blue, visit from my best friend of thirty years turned everything around in an instant.
Sean showed me I had worth, outside of what I had always believed made me worthy. I was not my property or possessions.
My value, my worth, was in being a friend, and nothing more.
It was from this day on that I began to rebuild and reinvent my life.
I guess my prayers were answered. Fortunately, not the way I was asking for.
It’s been six years of rebuilding and reinventing. Ups and downs. Disappointments and failures and massive successes.
My life is no longer tied to my things or my ability to purchase those things.
It is built on a foundation of:
I am enough. I am worthy. I love myself. I trust myself. I accept myself, truly, deeply, and unconditionally.
I live in a state of abundance and gratitude.
When we have a foundation rooted in these, we no longer need anything outside of ourselves to feel whole.
We are whole.
My term of supervised release ended on May 9th, 2019. About a month afterward, I was asked a question.
“If you had an opportunity to change your life, to do things differently, would you?”
I thought about it—the pain, the suffering, the shame, consumed by the vision of killing myself.
My response came from deep within, from the truest expression of myself,
“There is not enough money in the world for me to change a thing. I am exactly where I am meant to be, doing what I am meant to be doing. This has turned into the greatest gift I have ever received.”
I am free.
My mission now is to help people whose lives have fallen apart rebuild and reinvent their lives.
I’m a Reinvention Architect. I help my clients start over so they can have the extraordinary life they’ve always wanted.
I offer a free Start Over Strategy Session. On this call, we’ll identify what an extraordinary life for you looks like and uncover challenges that are holding you back from reinventing your life.
You’ll leave this call with actionable next steps to start rebuilding and reinventing your extraordinary life now.
